FML best

"Today, my boyfriend snuck into my house and hid in my closet. Knowing that I have a phobia of people jumping out of closets, he nonetheless thought it would be funny to see how I'd react. I had a panic attack and was taken to the hospital. Thanks babe. FML"

"Today, I was fired. My boss told me via email that it was because I "don't have enough experience with fun spiritual." Uh, what? FML"

"Today, while on MSN, I received a touchy-feely message from an unknown sender. Thinking it was my friends playing a prank on me, I replied, "WHO DA F*CK IS THIS?!" Let's just say I won't be looking my grandmother in the eye again for a while. FML"

"Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. Everything was going perfectly, right up until he brought me back to his house to tell his family the good news. When I excused myself to the restroom, I overheard his mom say, "I thought you were going to break up with that stupid slut?" Welcome to the family. FML"


"Today, my therapist told me to write down my secrets in an envelope and symbolically burn them. My secrets included stories of my rampant sex life, drugs, a suicide attempt, and the hatred I have for my family. I've managed to misplace the envelope somewhere back home. FML"


"Today, I spent an hour deleting 70 of my status posts from the past week so I don't look so addicted to Facebook. Damn, I need a life. FML"


"Today, I threw up in the car. While driving. The good news though, I had a bag to catch it all. Bad news? The bag had a giant hole in the bottom. FML"


"Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML"


"Today, I had to fake fall down the stairs so my mom would stop texting and actually pay attention to what I was saying. FML"


"Today, I was babysitting a little girl. We were colouring, and she told me she wanted to draw a picture of me.After she was done, she showed me the picture. I'm drawn as a fat cow. The worst part is, the picture actually looks kinda like me. FML"


"Today, my boyfriend walked in on me in the bathroom. That's how he found out that I wax my nipples. FML"


"Today, I went to the doctor thinking I had breast cancer. Turns out, I have a third boob. FML"


"Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me.FML"